I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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