My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
