The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
