What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
