What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
