Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
