: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
