Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
