I am puke
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
