I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
