Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
50% drunk capacity currently
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
