happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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