I wish I could teleport
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
