I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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