Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
