K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
