I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
