y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
