Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
