i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
