I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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