Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
