I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
