I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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