the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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