Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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