I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
