I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
