he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
