We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
