Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
