im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
