Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
