oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
