I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
