i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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