oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
