hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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