Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
