Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
