Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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