I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
