My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
