I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
