I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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