you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
