im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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