it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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