If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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