Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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