Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
