My nipple is on Facebook.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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