once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
