The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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