He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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