you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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