Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize