Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
