haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
