So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
