we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
