I wish you could order shots online.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God, I missed his penis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
