dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
