i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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